Your Kids Do Not Need a Friend—They Need a Parent
by Jerome D. Ryans
President & CEO, Tampa Housing Authority
One of the most difficult and important roles in life is being a parent-especially when you are juggling multiple jobs, struggling to make ends meet, and trying to give your children more than you ever had. I see the strength it takes every day in our community. I also see the weight of guilt many of our resident parents carry when long work hours leave less time at home. Today, I want to offer you a different mindset. Let encouragement replace judgment.
It can sound harsh, but the fact remains that no matter how little time you may have together, what your children need most is your leadership-not your friendship. In life, they will make friends. You are their parent. Be the parent they need. Children, whether they are five or fifteen, crave structure. They feel safest when clear boundaries are in place. Routine, responsibility, and rules give them a sense of order in a world that often feels uncertain. Allowing children to figure things out on their own too early can lead to confusion, anxiety, and rebellion. Children may resist limits, but they still need them. Deep down, they want them.
Parents often feel tempted to loosen the rules or avoid conflict when they are exhausted or feel guilty. That is understandable. However, when children are allowed to do whatever they want, they often receive the wrong message. Without consistent guidance, they turn to other sources for direction-peers, music, social media, or the latest trend. These influences can easily lead them astray.
Tablets and televisions are not babysitters. The content children consume-whether through music, video games, or social media-shapes how they think, act, and treat others. Parents must stay alert. Ask your child what they are watching. Ask who they are talking to. Monitor how much time they spend on devices. You do not need to be a tech expert to ask questions and set healthy limits.
Even small actions matter. Demand a daily check-in. Ask them to call or text you to inform you that homework and chores are completed, before allowing screen time or play. This creates structure and connection, even when you are not in the same room. Be intentional about asking your child to tell you about their day. Ask how they are doing and what they are facing. When they respond, listen carefully before you speak. Let your child know you heard them by repeating what you understood: "So, I am hearing you say that you need to come up with something really creative for the science fair? Is that right?" This simple step lets them know you care and that they are not alone.
Many of our parents are raising older teens or young adults-perhaps 17, 18, or 19 years old. If they are still living in your home, they must still follow your rules. Age does not eliminate the need for structure. Clear expectations prepare them for adulthood. On the other hand, young parents may feel like they are still growing while raising someone else. That is real. However, your age does not disqualify you from being a respected leader in your home. You are capable. You are the authority. You have every right to set limits, expect respect, and demand the best from your children. That is what love looks like.
If your schedule allows, aim to share at least one meal together each day. The meal does not need to be formal. Sitting together for 15 to 20 minutes gives you a window to talk, laugh, and pass down your values. Even better, get them involved in preparing the meal, setting the table, and cleaning up together. That time adds up and strengthens your bond. Just make sure all conversations are positive. Meals are not the right time to have difficult conversations.
Parenting is not easy, however, you are your child's most important teacher. Your guidance brings them stability. Your boundaries offer security. Your example provides hope. Be the parent first. The friendship will come later-stronger and more meaningful-because you built it on a solid foundation. You have what it takes.
